The Impeachable Tranquilizer
by Spacedup
Summary: Sheldon gets drunk at an office party, with devastating consequences. Who will help him pick up the pieces? Dedicated to the drunk guest reviewer of my other fic, 'The Bon Voyage Parenthesis' who inspired this. *shenny one shot*


**I get some lovely people reviewing my FFs and yesterday I had a extremely funny one, from a very pissed off shenny fan, who was drunk and annoyed at the writers and the show. We all know how predictable next season will be, (a child could guess the outcome). So this little one-shot is dedicated to you, my drunk 'Guest ' who told it, as it is. **

**There might be spelling mistakes, it was a quick one :)**

* * *

"But I don't like parties!" Sheldon moaned. It was home time and he wanted to leave the office now, not be dragged along to some university hootananie.

"Professor Siebert wants us all to attend. You have no choice," said Howard.

"Its not fair. Leonard gets out of it."

"Yeah, but being on a ship, in the middle of the North Sea, is a pretty good reason to decline," Howard said, rolling his eyes.

"Doesn't he realize? My energies are better served elsewhere?"

"I don't think watching 'Defiance' qualifies?"

"It's a very promising show!" Sheldon huffed.

"Party! Party!" said Raj, as he bounced towards them like a happy puppy.

"Hi Raj," Howard said, "Sheldon doesn't want to go."

"Oh come on Sheldon, let your hair down for a change."

"I do not, let my hair down."

"Yeah well, you're being boring dude."

"Idle chitchat and meaningless pleasantries, does not make one interesting."

"How would you know?" Howard said. Sheldon just frowned.

When they arrived, the room is already beginning to fill up quickly. They made their way to the bullet table and began to load up some plates. "Mmmm, try these, they're yummy," said Raj, waving a cocktail sausage in Sheldon's face.

"I don't eat finger food," he said, "The very name, suggests it has been handled and then returned to the plate."

"No nibbles, no alcohol, no fun Sheldon," Howard mocked.

"Can we go now?" Sheldon said.

"Are you kidding? We've only just got here, give it an hour at least," said Howard.

The guys went to get a drink at the bar and Sheldon took the chance to escape. He backed himself in to a corner, hoping to go unnoticed. He decided that once an hour was up, he would ask Howard to drive him home. He wasn't staying any longer than that. Unfortunately, his assistant Alex saw him and attempted to strike up a conversation.

"Hello Dr. Cooper," she said.

"Hello Alex."

"Having a good time?"

"No, I want to curl up and die," he said.

"You hate these things too, huh?

"Despise them," he said, "I..."

"Hold this for me please, I need to go to the bathroom," she said, handing Sheldon a glass of clear liquid and ice. He took it without thinking and then realized he didn't want to hold someone else's drink. He was looking around for somewhere to put it down, when he heard his name, "Coopew! who let you in?"

It was Kripke.

"I'm a member of the faculty, as you well know."

"Yeah wight! Pawty poopew Coopew."

"I am not a party pooper. Parties are simply a waste of university resources and serve no discernible purpose."

"The puwpose is too have fun. Something you don't know how to do."

Sheldon pursed his lips in anger, "Why does everyone kept saying that? I'm fun," said Sheldon.

"No one thinks you'we fun! You nevew join in."

"Well I am… joining it," he snapped, raising Alex's glass to his lips and drinking it down in one.

Golly that's disgusting, he thought.

Kripke just shook his head, "That was watew," he said and walked away.

* * *

Not long after, Raj and Howard were back at the bar. "X-Men, The Last Stand grossed more at the box office," said Raj, "but Wolverine was the best film."

"Wolverine was not the best one! X-men 2 was the finest film in the franchise," Howard said. Just at the moment, Sheldon brushed past them, with a glass in his hand. He seemed a little unsteady on his feet and was humming to himself.

"Raj," he said, prodding him.

"What?"

"Keep on eye on Sheldon, he's drinking," said Howard.

"Why me?"

"Because he never speaks to me, unless he's being patronizing. Just talk to him about neutrinos or something but keep him away Seibert. He's starting to act… weird."

"Dude, he's always weird."

"Yeah, but you know what alcohol the does to him? I'll distract Siebert," he said.

"Okay," Raj said reluctantly. He was about to cross the room, when the cute receptionist from the third floor, spoke to him, "Hello."

"Hell-lo-lo-loo," Raj said.

As the evening passed, the room became busier and the sound of chatter filled the air. Raj lost track of Sheldon and by the time the receptionist decided to go home, the evening was almost over. He looked around and saw Howard approaching. "Where's Sheldon?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"I told you to keep an eye on him," he snapped.

"I was chatting to that cute girl from third. I'm not going to babysit the wackadoodle. Besides, I needed some cheering up, after everything. After what happened with Lucy. At least you have Bernadette, I have no one, I…"

"Okay, okay!"

"I bet he crept out when no one was looking anyway."

"Yeah, but I was supposed to drive him home."

"Well, he's definitely not here," said Raj, looking around the thinning crowd.

Howard pulled out his phone and dialled. "Sheldon, this is Howard. We're leaving now. You'll have to get a cab. Call me back, if you get this in the next half hour." The guys did a quick check around the room and then made their way home.

* * *

The next morning, when Sheldon opened his eyes, all he could see was a haze of color and light. Nothing was in focus. His head felt heavy, was he still dreaming? Had he finally been abducted by aliens? He felt so dizzy.

Lifting his hand up to his aching head, he saw his naked arm came into focus. 'Where's my pyjamas?' he thought. Then he felt a body stir, beside him.

"Oh my god! oh my god! oh my god!" Jumping away from the body and out the side of the bed, he dragged the sheet up to his chest.

Alex rolled over and looked up, "Sheldon, what are you doing?"

"What are _you_ doing?"

"What do you mean, what am _I_ doing?"

"What are you doing, _here_?"

"This is _my_ bed," she said.

He quickly looked around the room. A large wooden cupboard, with female clothing hanging on the cupboard door, a dressing table, this certainly didn't look like his room. This wasn't his room! He felt panic rising in his chest.

"Don't you remember?" she said.

"No, I don't remember anything," he said, putting his hand to his head.

She rolled over and pulled her arm out from the duvet.

"Are you naked?"

"Yes, and so are you," she said, smiling.

"Oh dear lord!" His knees went weak and he sat down on the edge of the bed to steady himself. "I don't feel well."

"That will be the vodka."

He looked over at her. "Why was I in bed with you? Isn't it customary to offer guests the couch and something to wear," he snapped, wrapping the sheet tighter around him.

"You really don't remember anything, do you?" she said, looking at him inquisitively.

"I remember arriving at the party, trying to hide, holding your drink, Kripke, and then it all gets fuzzy."

"You called Kripke an orangutan, tried to dance with the catering staff and sat on Mrs Siebert's lap. You were trying to be 'fun'.

"Oh god no!"

"Don't worry, she saw the funny side. I took you outside for some air after that."

"Thank you, but how did I end up… here?"

"Well, first you started apologizing for being a terrible boss."

"I'm not a terrible boss."

"That's not what you said last night."

"Baffling, alcohol really does addle the brain."

She shook her head, "You also said, that I… was the best assistant ever."

"More proof!"

"Well, that's what you said. You were nice to me."

"Yes, I am a delight but that doesn't explain why I'm here."

"You wanted to go home."

"So, why didn't you drive me home, then?"

"You said, you wanted to go home, with me!"

"But why would I do that?"

She shuffled over to the side of the bed "Because," she said, moving in close, "…you wanted to have sex with me," she said, leaning over and giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

"I have to go!" he said.

Gathering his clothes off the chair, he fled to the bathroom to dress. He had to get home. Now. His head was still fuzzy and confused. This can't be real. Once he was dressed, he came out of the bathroom.

"I trust you will not disclose the incidents of last night, to anyone," he said.

"Okay, but Sheldon..."

He wasn't exactly sure how he found his way home. It was all a blur and he didn't have his bus pants. Rushing in through the apartment door, he ran in to the bathroom, stripped off his clothes quickly and jumped in. He soaped and soaped but it didn't help. He felt different. Something had happened and he knew it was in there, at the back of his mind. Little flashes came back to him, skin on his skin, a warm body.

* * *

Later that evening Penny was clearing up her dishes when she heard raised voices in the hall. It was Amy. "I can't believe you, Sheldon! I never want to speak to you again!" The door slammed with a loud bang and she heard footsteps running down.

Penny opened her door and peeked out. She went across the hall and knocked, "Sheldon?"

"Come in," he said. He was sitting in his pyjamas and dressing gown, in front of the TV looking rather sorry for himself.

"Hey, are you okay? I just heard Amy."

"Oh Penny," he said, looking down at the remote control, in his hands

"What is it?" she said, rushing over to sit next to him.

"Something awful has happened."

"Oh god, what?"

"I did something, I-I…"

"Sweetie calm down, its okay."

"But it's not okay!"

"I'm assuming this was while you were drunk?"

"Yes, liquor is the devils elixir. I have fallen into damnation, just as my mother predicted when I would moved here," he began to sob.

"Listen sweetie, drinking has lead me to many poor decisions. It may seem bad now but everything will be okay."

He turned to face her and said, "I had coitus with my assistant!"

Penny's jaw dropped, "YOU WHAT?" she yelled, "Holy crap, Sheldon! I thought you'd just puked on your boss's shoes or something."

He shook his head. "Equally disturbing, but no."

"You really had sex?"

"I think so."

"You? I mean… are you completely sure?"

"Pretty sure," he said, "I don't remember much."

She sat in silence for a moment, "Wow! I just don't believe it."

Beep, beep.

Sheldon's phone lit up, he picked it up from the coffee table and frowned.

"Is it Amy?"

"No, it's Alex."

"What does _she_ want?"

"It says, 'I hope you are okay and that what happened last night, will not affect our working relationship'."

Sheldon began to text back and then pressed send. "What did you say?" Penny asked.

"I said… our professional relationship is unaffected."

"Maybe you should check what actually happened, since you don't remember much," she said.

He looked over at Penny and nodded, "Did we have coitus?" he said aloud, as he typed.

Beep, beep.

Sheldon read the text back, "Yes, you were terrific."

Penny couldn't speak. Her mouth went dry and everything went fuzzy. It was true. How is that even possible? She knew that alcohol changed him. He became uncontrollable, she had seen it for herself at his award ceremony but this just wasn't real. She was numb with shock. What did she mean, he was terrific? It was his first time! How could he be terrific?

Beep, beep.

Sheldon read the text and put the phone down again.

"What did she say, _now_?!" she snapped.

"That she would like to date me, if I'm interested."

"That bitch!" Penny yelled, "…first, she tries to steal Leonard and now she's trying to steal you, off Amy…. I-I don't believe her!"

Penny was outraged. She jumped out of her seat and began to pace the floor. "I'm going to stop her! I-I'm calling Amy right now… don't you dare text her back."

She flew out the door and slammed it behind her, feeling adrenaline pumping through every cell in her body. She was blind with rage, quickly returning to her apartment, she dialed Amy's number.

* * *

An hour later, Amy and Bernadette arrived at her apartment. Penny was waiting, "Come in girls, take a seat, I'll get some drinks." She opened a bottle of wine and poured out three glasses.

Amy looked tired from crying, she held a tissue up to her nose, "I just can't believe this has happened," she said.

"I know, I can't either," said Penny.

"I'm so sorry, Amy," Bernadette said.

"He always said, he'd never thought about having a physical relationship with anyone before me and then he has sex, with another woman," she sobbed.

Penny reached out and gave her a hug. "Oh Ames."

"But why?" she said, "…why did he do it?"

"I don't think he knew what he was doing, Amy. I think Sheldon has a bad reaction to alcohol. He may even be allergic to it," said Bernadette.

"Even so, I don't think I can forgive him."

"Or that Alex!" said Penny.

"If Sheldon is allergic to alcohol, then it's not really his fault," said Bernadette.

"I know," Amy said, "but we were going to share our first time together. It was going to be special. I feel like it's all been ruined now."

"I think we should do something about Alex!" said Penny, "Do you still have access to monkeys?"

"Ordinarily, I would relish setting a hoard of nicotine-addicted monkeys on her, but I'm too upset to even care," said Amy.

"But Amy… she has to pay! She has to be stopped!" Penny said.

"I just want to forget about her, right now," Amy said.

"Maybe in time, you will be able to forgive Sheldon," Bernadette said.

"I don't know. It feels like it's over."

"Give yourself time," said Bernadette, "you know we are here for you."

"Yeah, and if you need something doing to Alex, just name it!" Penny said.

* * *

After the girls left, Penny still felt restless. She emailed Leonard and told him everything that had happened but still her anger wouldn't subside. Why didn't the girls want to confront Alex and tell her, to back the hell off? She tried to watch television, to take her mind off it but it kept coming back. She decided to send a text message to Bernadette. "We have to convince Amy, to go down to the university and tell Alex what we think of her!"

Bernadette replied, "Penny, if Amy doesn't want to do that, you have to let it go."

Let it go? She knew Bernadette was right. That was the right thing to do, for Amy's sake but she just couldn't. Why couldn't she?

Like a shot of lightening, the answer flashed into her mind. She couldn't handle the thought of Alex touching Sheldon. He was Sheldon! No one touched him. Of course, he had been in a relationship with Amy, for almost three years but it was so innocent and slow paced, she had grown to accept it. This thing with Alex was entirely different. Not only, did he just have his first sexual experience with this woman but she was also actively pursuing him.

Penny was jealous. Not just a little bit jealous, like when Alex had shown interest in Leonard. This was pure, blind jealousy; she wanted to wring Alex's neck. Sheldon wasn't to be touched by anyone. He was HER Sheldon and she couldn't share him. Not even with Amy.

"Oh my god!" she said, clasping her hand over her mouth. "What the hell am I going to do?"

Over the years, Penny had been totally convinced that Sheldon was a non-sexual being and had repressed all thoughts of him. The idea that he wasn't non-sexual, changed everything. Absolutely everything! If she'd known, she wouldn't be with Leonard. Everything that she thought she knew came crashing down around her.

"It should have been me," she said softly, her eyes prickling with tears. "I've known you for six years, it should have been me." Penny fell on the couch and sobbed quietly. It was too late?

* * *

The next morning, she heard Sheldon leave the apartment and go downstairs. Opening her door, she waited as he came back up. He was holding a bunch of letters and was not expecting to see her standing there. "Hello Penny," he said quietly.

"Hi Sheldon," she said, "Do you have a minute?"

"Are you going to shout at me?"

"No, I promise I won't shout."

He opened the door and she followed him inside. He went straight to the kitchen. "Do you want a hot beverage?" he said.

"Sure, coffee would be nice."

He didn't reply, he simply placed down two cups and filled the kettle.

"Listen Sheldon, I'm sorry I shouted yesterday. I was shocked."

"So was I."

"How are you feeling now?" she said.

"Confused," he said, avoiding her gaze and staring into the cups.

"…and regretful?"

"Yes."

"…and angry at yourself?"

"Yes, how did you know?"

"I've been there!"

"I feel like a tramp," he said.

She chuckled, "I've been there, too!"

"Oh dear lord," he said, "I've turned into _you_!"

She smiled, "Don't do that," she said, "One of me, is enough."

He brought over the cups and sat down.

"Have you heard anything more from Alex?" she asked.

"Yes, she texted me again. What should I do?" he pleaded.

"What do you want to do?"

"But you told me, not to reply."

"I'm sorry about that too," she said sadly, "It's your decision."

"Amy hates me," he said.

"She's pretty devastated right now."

"I don't blame her. I broke the terms of relationship agreement in the most despicable way. It's unlike me to flaunt protocol in this manner. Not to mention the exposure to bacteria and the completely baffling lack of control, I don't understand."

"Sheldon, this is not about protocol, or duty. It means something important."

"I know."

"Do you want to try and get Amy back?"

He didn't answer right away and then said, "No, I do not."

"Are you sure?"

"My behavior is an indicator that the relationship must be terminated. Also, I feel as though I were released from bondage."

"I think I understand now," said Penny.

"That I am a coward?"

"We're all cowards, sometimes," she said, "and what about Alex?" she said, afraid to ask the question.

Sheldon turned and looked at her. His eyes were wide and full of sadness. He simply shook his head. "Do you hate me?" he asked.

"No! Of course not," she said.

"You seemed angry."

Penny wasn't sure if this was the right moment but she had waited long enough, "The truth is, Sheldon," she said, hesitantly, "I was jealous."

"Of whom?"

"Of Alex."

He took a few seconds to take this in, "Over…. me?"

"Yes," she said, "over you."

Staring down at his hands, he fell silent. "Sheldon, say something," she said, weakly.

"I never thought this day would come," he said, finally, "I thought you found me disagreeable."

"I do!" she said, "I mean, I did."

He frowned in confusion, "I found you disagreeable," he continued.

"And now?" she said.

"I find you most agreeable," he said, transfixing her with his gaze.

"I feel the same way about you," she said.

He smiled, "Can I kiss you?

"Any time you want," she whispered, pulling him forward and kissing him passionately.

And that was the beginning.


End file.
